literature

Fly.

Deviation Actions

ron67's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

You and I are nothing but flesh coloured stone,
composed of emotions that should not exist,
Maybe someday we can bring ourselves to just walk by doors we know have been  
shut instead of standing outside them, howling in our misery,
pounding on the panels of wood
Maybe we can climb through the open window, our arms morphing into wings, and we can fly-
Fly away.
Older work.
© 2009 - 2024 ron67
Comments20
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tellsastory's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

I enjoy reading this piece over and over, there is just something about your symbolism that barks familiarity. I love your concept, and as always, power to envision, and create from that vision. The strongest point of this piece, in my opinion, is that it is so short, yet so elegant. About the only thing that I can suggest to you for improvement, is to try adding some color or effects and maybe formatting the spacing of the words to form a shape. The shape could be reflective of what inspired or sparked you to write this piece, or just a really cool shape. Also, remember that you can always grab a dictionary and skim for bigger or cooler sounding words if you get some ideas to beef or dress up your wording. I try that sometimes, but with this one, since none of it is bulky, I suggest leave the wording the way it is. Nice work, this is a job well done, and I look forward, side to side, up and down, and cross-eyed through my telescope-like glasses to see more work from you of this type, as it is, my favorite. (btw, I rate impact based on how much of an impact it bears on me the first time I read it)